I came into AA at a relatively early age, a high-bottom case with my whole life left ahead of me. But I had wanted to die. I was 28 years old and didn’t have anything to live for, at least that was what it seemed at that time. At my first AA meeting, there was order, structure and discipline which seemed quite alien to me, since everybody introduced themselves as an alcoholic and yet were perfectly comfortable sitting there quietly, waiting for their turn to speak. There was a sense of respect and patience in that room which was very appealing.
Then I attended my first business meeting- the group’s monthly business meeting! I was stunned at how the same, seemingly peaceful, folks were discussing issues- they were arguing and shouting! OMG!
Yet when the meeting concluded with the Serenity Prayer, everyone hugged each other and went out to have tea. That was very puzzling for me, as I come from a background of fighting, arguing, and NOT MAKING UP.
A week later I asked my sponsor how two members who were very aggressively disagreeing about something in the business meeting might have been happily chatting away over tea.
I suspect he was waiting for me to realise this myself and ask ‘’how this was possible’’. Thus, I was introduced to the wonderful 12 Traditions of AA.
As I introspect, as far back as I can remember, I liked to isolate myself from people, even family, and of course would feel sorry for myself, feel alone, like no one understood me. For the longest time, my favourite dialogue to myself was, “You are born alone, you live alone, and you die alone’!
After attending a couple of meetings, I started getting a feeling of belonging, of acceptance and being one among many. That was a unique and strange experience. I had never felt that way before. These people ‘got me’! I also appreciated the harmony of my AA group as my life depended on it. (I was unable to look beyond the group as a newcomer).
For the first year of my sobriety, I was living in a city where AA meetings were held regularly. However, for the next 5 years, I stayed in places where there were no AA meetings. I felt like a loner again. I would visit my hometown and group every couple of months, secure in the belief that the meeting would always be available for me!
That presence and unity of my home group gave me complete security that AA had my back- Tradition 1, in all its glory. Over the years, I have realised that unity doesn’t mean uniformity. When I looked around the rooms, I saw people from diverse backgrounds, different opinions, and different approaches to recovery. My first impulse was that they got it wrong or to find fault. That’s when the ‘common welfare’ of the fellowship becomes critical. I needed to put the group’s welfare above my own opinions and viewpoints.
As a result of this, I became more open-minded to ‘at least listen’ to another’s opinions and to be respectful of another’s perspectives even if I disagreed with them. To articulate my thoughts without beating the other person down, were all the things I learnt to do, for the greater good of the group and AA. A huge step in humility for me (if you ask me!).
I was amazed that we didn’t have an AA police force!! We spoke in terms of suggestions and shared our experiences instead of telling others what they should do.
I remember discussing this passionately and making a solid argument (I thought) for some kind of punishment for people who didn’t follow the ‘AA protocol’. I didn’t have any idea what that would be, but I still felt the need to express my complete displeasure about the lack of it!
Luckily my sponsor didn’t take any of my suggestions seriously and we would end up laughing about the laws I would lay down if I ever took over AA. Thankfully that day will never come. Instead, I became the right size and adapted to the wonderful spiritual principles which guide our fellowship, both for individual recovery and group recovery, for on this rests my recovery and my life.
This meant letting go of my EGO, becoming teachable, becoming a grateful part of the whole, feeling like I truly belonged to a fellowship of people, all of us trying to live a life guided by spiritual principles, to live fulfilling lives.
I also use the traditions in my family, as I feel, my family is my primary group, and the unity of my family comes first. My peace of mind, happiness etc all depend on my family being a cohesive, harmonious unit. Hence, I have learnt to keep an open mind to the ideas and suggestions from other family members (especially when I think they are talking out of their hats!). I discuss issues with them, thus ensuring that at least everyone has a chance to share their perspective, and we work towards decisions that are acceptable to all.
The bottom line for me is if AA disappears, the chances of me staying alive and sober disappear. I may stay dry for a while and will eventually drink and die, but that’s not what I want.
I want all the promises promised to me on pages 83 and 84 of the Big Book to come true and for that I am responsible. Each member of AA is equally responsible for keeping AA united, to connect with each other. That will nurture all of us as we grow together in recovery.